Friday, November 30, 2012

Osman & Joe's Steak 'n Egg Kitchen Food Review

Greasy to a Fault

The older I get, the less I frequent Osman & Joe's Steak 'n Egg Kitchen at 4700 Wisconsin Avenue, NW. After all, how often do you stop by a 24 hour greasy spoon after turning 40? Getting old can be a real pain in the you know where. What's worse than getting old? Visiting Osman & Joe's during daylight. Toss in sober and hungry, and you're likely to encounter one of DC's worst kitchen nightmares.

I know what you're thinking: Not only am I getting old, but bitter too. Fair enough, but I dare anyone old enough to drink legally to like this place. I've been coming here for decades, and little has changed. I remember when burgers were served with hash browns (before they ponied up for an automatic french fry machine.) Other than that, everything looks and tastes the same.

This is where the "magic" happens... not!

I walked in just before 3 in the afternoon (there were just two customers at the other end of the counter.) Nobody was working, until two guys appeared from the back and proceeded to stand directly in front of me and have a discussion for three minutes about where to cash a check. Most of the conversation was in a foreign language, but at no point did either one of them acknowledge me... although one of them did put his chef knife (blade pointed at me) on the counter (close to where my menu would be... assuming I had one.) After finishing their chat (I sure hope he was able to cash that check) the guy I think is the owner looked at me and said, "You know what you want?" No hello, still no menu. What a joke. I ordered an All-American Burger (a quarter-pounder with fries for $6.49 + tax.) I asked for my burger to be cooked medium, but either he didn't hear me or his idea of medium is to keep cooking until he remembers to flip it. Either way, I got extra well-done. Gee thanks.

The cook tossed a patty on his communal grill... and went about the rest of his business. Some time later, he slid a plate of food (see below) my way. I didn't order a drink, but Heaven forbid he ask if I wanted water. Guess what else was missing? No fork, knife or napkin (I had to get up to grab a roll of paper towels.) As for patriotism, my All-American Burger came sans anything (no lettuce, tomato, onion, nothing.) Just an overcooked, flat patty encircled in strands of disgusting grease. I've had frozen burgers before (I'm not a snob) but this had no taste whatsoever (besides the aforementioned grease.) The fries were ordinary (what do you expect from a machine?)

All-American Burger

My bill came to just over 7 bucks, and he was quick to give it to me. I gave him a tenner, and said keep the change. No thanks, no nothing. Funny thing is, this guy has waited on me dozens of time in the past... and is usually pretty nice. Maybe things have changed after all.

Atmosphere: F for filthy
Burger: F- (I pity the cow that has this as its legacy.)
: C (Not that bad actually. Too bad he didn't have a machine to make my burger.)
Price: C- ($8.99 for a BLT? At least my burger & fries were affordable.)
Service: F (You read my review, didn't you?)
Overall: F (I'm guessing drunk college kids don't care what food tastes like.)