Fresh Baguette Food Review V

Opal Noir at Fresh Baguette

Good News and (Mostly) Meh

Cleveland Park has had its fair share of bakery options over the (many) years I've lived here. Fresh Baguette may not be the best, but it is the prettiest. That makes going inside a treat. Trouble is, the taste and value fail to inspire. Ditto for a convoluted menu that never changes (but always seems to cost too much.) There's room for (massive improvement) but I doubt they're open to the necessary changes to achieve it. In the mean time, let's explore some previously unreviewed menu options.

Di Fira Pizza Twitter/X Food Review

Build-Your-Own-Pizza with Sausage & Red Onions at Di Fira Pizza

Pizza Fail 

A word (or two) to the wise: Stay clear of @wonder's pizza... evidently any pizza. Already home to the abysmal Detroit Brick Pizza Co., Wonder has outdone itself with the somehow worse Di Fara Pizza @difara. When I arrived to pick it up, I was (nicely) told they had to place it in two boxes (b/c they were out of large ones, and Di Fara's pies are a whopping 16") That's actually the good news. The bad is everything else. For starters, it had a strange & unpleasant odor that I couldn't associate with any of the pizza ingredients (scary.) Overall, cold, with almost no red onions, very little sausage, and globs of so-so cheese on about half of each slice. The other half featured over-chewy, thick, underdone crust and a stingy splash of tomato sauce with little else. The latter bordered on disgusting/inedible, while the former only reminded us to never (ever) order it again. Toss in flavorless, wilted basil + zero char on the bottom, and you have DC's new worst pizza. $22.95, and we barely finished one slice each.

Grade: F (Wish we could grade lower.)

Scream 7 Twitter/X Movie Review

Neve Campbell stars (again) in Scream 7

Fucking Motherhood

IMDb Plot: When a new Ghostface killer emerges in the town where Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) has built a new life, her darkest fears are realized as her daughter becomes the next target. Directed by Kevin Williamson.

Fuku Twitter/X Food Review

Fuku's Tenders & Fries

First time trying Fuku @momofuku chicken at @CapitalOneArena and color me unimpressed. $22 Tenders & Fries tastes like every other tender trio & fries, served in any American arena or stadium 🏟️ (zero taste.) Only difference is waffle fries, which I expected to have "sweet jalapeño" seasoning. Fat chance. Plain & boring. Went back to get them at start of 4th quarter and they were already closed. Bad business. Bad food. Bad review.

Grade: F (22 bucks, no drink?)

Compass Coffee Twitter/X Food Review II

Applewood Bacon, Egg & (no) Cheese Sandwich at Compass Coffee

Probable last trip to @CompassCoffeeDC (11th & E) ends with a relative smile. Applewood Bacon 🥓 Egg & (no) Cheese Sandwich hits the spot (despite $7.95 price tag/small) B (Thanks for honoring my special request.) Wild Berry Breeze is delicious A- (their cold drinks are always banner) but their Cinnamon Roll (affordable at $4.50) is as dry & tasteless as the rest of their pastry lineup. F (as in fresh, NOT!) Thanks for (most of) the memories.

Washington Signs Tristan Vukčević to Multi-Year Contract

From our friends at the Washington Wizards...

Washington Signs Tristan Vukčević to Multi-Year Contract

Team also signs Leaky Black to two-way contract 

The Washington Wizards announced today they have signed forward/center Tristan Vukčević to a multi-year NBA contract and forward Leaky Black to a two-way contract.

STK Steakhouse Twitter/X Food Review

STK Cheeseburger

I realize delivery isn’t the ideal way to review a steakhouse, but the prices at @eatSTK are relatively prohibitive to dining in on a Friday night. The STK Cheeseburger is a literal steal at $9.99 (with chips!) but it doesn’t travel well. Mistakes abound, fries instead of chips, special sauce despite requesting none, and worst of all, cooked well-done instead of medium. The burger’s thick, but one has to question mucking up a burger at a $$$ steakhouse. Fries were soggy and (subsequently) yucky. D- Next, a $28 STK Sandwich that was covered in caramelized onions (requested none) inside a soggy French roll with barely any horseradish cream. The steak chunks were flavorful, but served alongside more of those cold, wet fries = more disappointment. D Not sure why the kitchen couldn’t follow multiple, simple directions, but the proof’s in the pudding. Imagine if we opted for their $81 10 oz. filet instead? 

Grade: D- (Stay clear of delivery.)

Fresh Baguette Twitter/X Food review IV

Fresh Baguette's Blueberry Muffin

Less Is More

Another trip to #FreshBaguette and (sadly) more disappointment. Their baguettes 🥖 are pretty good, but the rest of the menu… not so much. Their $4.69 Blueberry Muffin closer resembles an old shoe, dry as a bone with almost no blueberries 🫐 inside. F Almost as bad, FB’s $4.99 Apple Turnover with (wait for it) hardly any apples 🍏 (sense a pattern?) What’s left is a bitter, parched pastry that cries out for any kind of sweetness. D Before you say I’m impossible to please, their tiny Mini Caramel Tart ($2.45) is an explosion of deliciousness, 2 parts sweet, 1 part bitter, all parts delectable. A+ That said, it’s impossible to overlook so many other negatives.

Grade: D+

Paranormal Activity Twitter/X Theatre Review

Cher Álvarez & Travis A. Knight in Paranormal Activity. (Photo: Teresa Castracane Photography)

F the Bogeyman

Every now and then, we’re reminded how important and impressive live theater can be. @ShakespeareinDC’s Paranormal Activity is one such example. Who needs CGI when you’re blessed with Anna Watson’s superb lighting and Fly Davis’ scrumptious 2-story set? It’s a theatrical double play to the 10th power, promising chills & thrills, yet somehow managing to over-deliver. Our opening night audience produced a nonstop barrage of gasps 😱 oohs and ahhs, as we sat in uniform anticipation of the next frightful moment. The relatively small cast delivered as well, led by Cher Alvarez (Lou) & Travis A. Knight (James) as a perfectly believable married couple on the brink of… something. What that something is, deserves (nay, demands) your attendance and attention. Paranormal Activity takes care of the latter: You get the privilege of providing the former. Enjoy!

Grade: A

Mercy Twitter/X Movie Review

Chris Pratt stars in Mercy

No Mercy

IMDb Plot: In the near future, a detective stands on trial accused of murdering his wife. He has 90 minutes to prove his innocence to the advanced A.I. Judge he once championed, before it determines his fate. Directed by Timur Bekmambetov.

Tejas Barbecue Twitter/X Food Review II

Brisket at Tejas Barbecue

I was right. Back in September, I visited Tejas Barbecue at the then-new #Wonder West End location, only to walk away disappointed at their Classic Brisket Sandwich. I promised to try again, upgrading to an entree. Fast forward 4 months later, and the difference is night & day. Three generous slices of brisket, bursting with flavor (pesky fat, but that helps with taste.) 3 slices, matched by 3 gorgeous sauces (topped by California gold, A+ with brisket.) A- Nice & zesty pickles on the side + a good, but not Wonder-best Cornbread (Streetbird #1) Slightly dry, and only 1 dab of orange honey butter (normally 2.) Always ready on time, and still hot when I got home. Great brisket = great dinner.

Grade: B+

Pizza Hut Twitter/X Food Review III

Sausage Personal Pan Pizza at Pizza Hut

Pizza Dud

Some foods travel well, some do not. @pizzahut provides the latter in (what can best be described as) a terrible lunch. Best of the lot? $5.95 Lemon Pepper Fries that live up to their promised flavor (lemon, lemon, 🍋) but not enough to overlook the disgusting duo of cold, stale Breadsticks ($8.76!) & a $7.52 Sausage Personal Pan Pizza that’s both undercooked & underwhelming. If you’re keeping score… disgusting, terrible & underwhelming = not good.

Grade: D (lemon proves a fun twist for fries.)