Sunday, July 7, 2019

The Simple Greek Food Review

Chicken Pita at The Simple Greek

There's a sign inside the entrance of Rosslyn's The Simple Greek that reads, "Discover your inner Greek." After yesterday's first visit, I'd gladly settle for a half-hearted Opa, because this place is about as Greek as your local McDonald's. Talk about false advertising.

Atmosphere: Generic and outdated, there's nothing Greek about it. Old fashioned flooring + bare walls, save for a couple of posters and a sign with a broken promise screams, "We don't care." I also cut myself on an exposed strip of metal, that their contractors previously overlooked. What's to like?

Fresh Cut Fries

Food: Granted, it was a Saturday, post lunch rush (around 2:30) but ice cold chicken and stuck-together fries? No excuse. Upon entering, I noticed a fryer basket half-full of fries (to the side) and thought to myself, "I betcha they're mine." Sure enough, they were, which explains why they were stuck together. It makes better sense to make a fresh batch, and have the customer wait a few minutes longer, than serve old fries.

As for my Chicken Pita? It was served out of a covered metal tin (supposedly "fresh off the spit") and tossed inside a cold, doughy pita bread, alongside amateurishly-cut slices of tomato, oversized chunks of cucumber, roasted red peppers and a watery spicy red pepper sauce. Said sauce soaked the wrapping, which created quite a mess. And why wrap it in flimsy wax paper? Foil holds the sandwich together much better (mine completely unraveled in seconds.) Tip #2: Uniformly chop your toppings, and easy on the sauce. While you're at it, heat the bread and (most importantly) the chicken. Mine was ice cold and flavorless. There was lots of it, but it went straight into the bin, so big deal.

The fries weren't half bad (flavor-wise) considering their ill-fated preparation, but many were stuck together, and cooked to various levels of doneness. Nice and crispy though, so there's hope. Fountain drinks (mine was free, since I cut my finger) are Pepsi, not Coca Cola (sigh) which I always consider "second class," since it's cheaper. That's one corner, I prefer not to cut (pun intended.)

Discover your inner Greek. Where?

Service: Two employees, and they went out of their way to help me (one went out, and bought me a couple of band-aids.) The other stopped by (after checking on another table) to check on me, and apologize once again for the accident. Furthermore, the owner of the franchise responded to an unfavorable Tweet I posted, and promised to refund my check, and fix the housekeeping issues, in addition to inviting me back for another try. All positive moves, but I wouldn't come back for all the tea in China (yet alone an inferior pita, over five miles away.)

Shazam Test: It was almost empty, so I had no trouble discovering an odd assortment of Kat Graham, Meg Myers and Thanos Petrelis. The latter's Greek, so that's something, I guess.

Value: $12.30 for a pita and fries is OK, but when you consider the quality of food, the term "value" doesn't leap to mind. P.S. No receipt offered (one of my pet peeves.)

Bottom Line: I had to shower this morning with a latex glove, because my finger still hurts; so it's safe to say, I'm not going to recommend The Simple Greek to anyone (even my worst enemy.) Coupled with genuinely lousy food, it's probably best to forget it altogether. Starting now.