Monday, May 22, 2017

Arby's Fast Food Review III

Smokehouse Pork Belly Sandwich at Arby's

I turn 50 years old in about 16 months. That mean's no more messing around... i.e. second (and third) chances to people and places that don't deserve it. Arby's qualifies as the latter, at least the one on Rockville Pike. Time and time again, I've suffered through unspeakable examples of piss-poor service. And for what? Curly fries? Sure they're good, but no one item is worth 1,001 (easily avoidable) shortcomings. Mark my words, I'll never go back. How come? Read on, to discover the final straws that broke this camel's critic's back.

It started with a wrong order. Mine, as luck would have it. I placed an order for a Smokehouse Pork Belly Sandwich (a whopping $5.49) without cheese and mayo. Guess what was on mine? Cheese (and lots of it.) To her credit, the order taker had it right; but the cooks either (1) can't read or (2) don't care. I'm guessing it's a combination of both, because they did it again on the reorder. Keep in mind, no apologies to me (the customer) for messing up my order. Evidently, it's par for the course around there.

Buffalo Chicken Slider

The final result (pictured on top) looked nothing like the promo shot in house (or on their website.) Those photos looked appealing. Mine, did not. It didn't taste good either, save for a generously-sized, soft, star cut bun, which was top-notch. The "crispy onion strings" were burnt and oddly enough, not crispy. Ditto for the two pieces of pork... way overcooked and dry. A thin coating of Smoky Q Sauce added nothing. Anything redeeming? Yes, it's a limited-time offer, so there's a good chance you won't have a chance to eat it. Score one for the little guy!

Curly Fries

Even worse, a Buffalo Chicken Slider (affordably priced at $1.59.) What is it? A chicken tender (lazily) smothered in a bitter, messy buffalo sauce, tossed inside a cold bun that never saw the grill. Gross. Seriously, that sauce should never be added to any kind of food whatsoever.

Orange Cream Shake

Curly Fries ($2.49 for a large) were extraordinary as always. Truth be told, I'm really gonna miss these: They're nothing short of incredible. Speaking of, Arby's Orange Cream Shake isn't (incredible.) As on previous visits, it was way too thick and difficult to drink. It also wasn't very orange (you literally have to squint, to see it.) Subsequently, it tastes like a thick, impossible-to-sip vanilla shake. Handcrafted my a@#! The one saving grace could be the thick application of whipped cream on top... unless you ordered a shake (versus a whipped topping dessert.)

Table for two?

Intangibles? How about the above-pictured table, which sat like this for the full duration of my visit. Keep in mind, there weren't half-a-dozen customers inside, and there was an employee walking around/away from it the whole time, broom in hand. You guessed it: He was there for the sole purpose of cleaning, yet went out of his way to avoid cleaning this. Perhaps he just missed it? Or didn't care.

Toss in a non-stop barrage of (overloud) arguing behind the counter (between the cashiers and cooks) and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand why I (or any sane person) wouldn't want to eat here again. Lucky for me, I don't have to. Neither should you.

Atmosphere: F (Does the word pigsty ring a bell?)
Sandwiches: F (Practically inedible, and overpriced.)
Fries: A (Even a broken clock is right twice a day. They're terrific.)
Shake: D- (The whipped cream was good. End of positives. Almost impossible to drink.)
Service: F (I'd grade lower if I could.)
Overall: F (Bye, bye Arby's. Never again.)