Thursday, March 26, 2015

Jerry's Subs and Pizza Food Review

Small Original Cheese Pizza with Sausage

Warning: The following review isn't going to be pretty. Nor should it, I suppose. Jerry's Subs and Pizza isn't my (or anyone's) idea of fine dining; but this "meal" could hardly be described as dining... even with the loosest of interpretations. Glancing over my notes, I couldn't help but notice the words, "greasy, gross, overdone and (my personal favorite) wet." Add those descriptions to a view of a detention facility across the street; and it's no wonder, this could be the worst eatery in all of Arlington Virginia.

For the record, this review is for the Courthouse location on 15th Street North, just off Wilson Boulevard in aforementioned Arlington. Not all Jerry's are created equal. The atmosphere inside was sad and terribly outdated (even for a decade ago.) My stool, which never stopped wobbling, was missing the bar to rest your foot upon. Three feet away, there was a random screw on the floor (perhaps from my stool?) and nearby, a big cardboard box full of Jerry's coupons... in the process of being cut up with a pair of scissors, in plain view of everyone. Music? Try "Every Little Kiss" by Bruce Hornsby and the Range. Goodness, what year is it?

Classic Burger

Service was half-hearted at best (no reply to my "How are you?" Not a good sign.) I paid $14.06 for a burger, large fries and small sausage pizza with no drink. Not bad... unless you have to eat it. The burger (two patties) was greasy wet, and made with low-grade frozen patties, presumably microwaved to a desired doneness wetness. I used to fancy their crinkle cut wedges, but these were overdone on the outside (I shudder to guess how often infrequently they swap out the frying oil) and way undercooked inside.

Even worse, the pizza. Gross crust, wet (there's that word again) cheese and terrible sausage. 100% commercial, with only the cheapest and worst ingredients imaginable. The sausage tasted like it was picked "fresh" off a Celeste frozen pizza. It was so bad, I caught myself gazing at the old color TV set towards the front of the restaurant: Perhaps I was on Candid Camera or Punk'd? At least, that would begin to explain what was going on.

Jerry's Famous Fries

Sadly however, no such excuse exists. This Jerry's is as bad as it gets. I consumed a total of three fries, 1/8th of a small (perhaps 5") pizza and almost miraculously, half of a two-patty burger. So little food, yet I still felt sick after. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Final impressions? I couldn't help but notice the giant detention facility (jail) cater-corner from the main entrance. I wonder what they're eating? Hopefully not the same thing I was.

Atmosphere: D (Old fashioned, but not dirty per se.)
Burger: D- (The best of a horrible lot.)
Fries: F (Underdone & awful.)
Pizza: F (Cheap ingredients, worse than frozen.)
Value: D- (It's not expensive; but I wouldn't pay a dime for food this bad.)
Overall: F (Prison food? You be the judge.)