Friday, February 6, 2015

Jupiter Ascending Movie Review

Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis (r) star bore in Jupiter Ascending

Beauty and Her Beast 

Rotten Tomatoes Plot: From the streets of Chicago to the far-flung galaxies whirling through space, "Jupiter Ascending" tells the story of Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), who was born under a night sky, with signs predicting she was destined for great things. Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people's houses and an endless run of bad breaks. Only when Caine (Channing Tatum), a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along-her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos.

Jupiter Ascending is a galactic soap opera that makes little to no sense, and evokes unintentional laughter. That's the good news. The bad? The Wachowskis sink to a new low (Speed Racer, Cloud Atlas, now this) and truth be told, have no business making movies anymore. It's been more than a decade since the conclusion of The Matrix franchise: Their grace period is over. Kunis is lovely to look at, but can't act a lick, "I love dogs. I've always loved dogs." Tatum looks ridiculous; and Eddie Redmayne whispers/screams with the worst of 'em. Lizard men too? No thanks.