Friday, November 16, 2012

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 Movie Review

From our friends at DC Film Review...

Final Twilight: Can I Get a Witness?

It’s hard to find too much fault with a vampire movie that’s squarely aimed at teenage girls, so I won’t dwell much on the first hour of Bill Condon’s The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2. Suffice it to say, it was terrible. On to the second (and far superior) hour, which wraps up Stephenie Meyer’s The Twilight Saga in glorious, beheading style. You won’t find a better (or more fitting) end to a series painfully short of excitement.

Forgive me for focusing on the action-packed “brawl for it all” over the tortuous love story that crippled films two, three, four and half of five. 2008’s Twilight remains the best of the lot (Where did you go Catherine Hardwicke?) but the final half of Breaking Dawn - Part 2 is as entertaining an hour as you’re likely to find in theaters all year. Mind you, I said entertaining, not great; There’s a difference, don’t you know.

Once you get past lines like ‘We’re the same temperature now,’ ‘You guys look really good together’ and 'You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?’ the final chapter in the Twilight Saga should be all about fun. If you need help with the story, you have no business seeing this film (yet alone, reading my review.) In a nutshell, Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) have a kid, Bella’s a vampire and Jacob (Taylor Lautner) has a new girl. Oh yeah, the Volturi (vampire hierarchy) is hopping mad, and en route to kill everyone. Are we all up to speed now?

In order to avoid a bloodbath (imagine a vampire ever saying that?) the Cullen coven must recruit vampires from all over the world to fight Aro (Michael Sheen) Jane (Dakota Fanning) and the rest of the bad guys. Vampires literally pop up out of nowhere, to see and pay homage to “the child.” ‘We opened our home to 18 vampires,’ cries Bella, who plays narrator (WTF?) against the most nauseating soundtrack in movie history. I thought I was stuck in a cheap piano bar at one point; That’s how bad it was.

Speaking of bad, wait ‘til you get a load of Stewart’s “acting,” which is certifiably awful. Stewart shows flashes of brilliance (Adventureland, Welcome to the Rileys) but there’s no excusing her body of work in Twilights 2-5. Pattinson is Pattinson (I don’t get the fascination) and Lautner is at least funny: You’re gonna LOVE Jacob’s ‘Stranger things happen every day’ “coming out party” to Bella’s dad Charlie (Billy Burke.)

Once the sirens of war are sounded, Breaking Dawn - Part 2 transforms from an ugly duckling into Prince Charming... or should I say Prince Decapitation? In the blink of an eye, Twilight becomes a joyous, unrepentant romp through the park (or woods, in this case.) You have to see it to believe it, but rest assured you won’t go home disappointed. It’s so good that I immediately forgot the horrors of the first hour: Was I glammed or what?

You could argue that the Twilight films are little more than 10 hours of your life lost forever; but I like to think everything has a purpose (not including the laughably bad CGI, which still stinks: Even Bella & Edward’s baby looks fake.) In some strange way, I’m going to miss all the hoots ‘n hollers from the audience, each time Edward or Jacob took off their shirts. Who knows? I may eventually even miss Bella’s brooding (but I doubt it.)

Twihards should be pleased with how the Saga ends: There’s love, music and enough “photo ops” to make Annie Leibovitz blush with pride. Me? I’ll settle for the sight of a dozen heads getting ripped off in dazzling fashion. Thank you Twilight!

Grade: B