Friday, January 10, 2020

Underwater Movie Review

Kristen Stewart stars in Underwater

Deep Sea Disaster

Rotten Tomatoes Plot: A crew of underwater researchers must scramble to safety after an earthquake devastates their subterranean laboratory. Directed by William Eubank.

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Vincent Cassel, Jessica Henwick, John Gallagher Jr., Mamoudou Athie, and T.J. Miller

What's Good: Stewart's semi-convincing as a low-key hero; but this movie desperately needs someone with (a splash of) pizzazz, a la Dwayne Johnson or even Milla Jovovich. Credit Miller with a few jokes, but not enough to "turn the tide."

What's Not: There's zero backstory, which left me confused (and subsequently sleepy) until the theatre lights mercifully came on, after 95 minutes. Half the movie takes place in the dark, and the other half, inside oversized scuba suits (cue extreme close-ups and heavy breathing.) Toss in every other cliché in the horror genre, and it's a wonder I didn't sleep through the entire movie.

Budget: $60 million (What a waste.)

Runtime: 95 minutes (I still found time for two naps.)

Target Audience: Your guess is as good as mine. Twilight fans?

Bottom Line: There's a sign that reads, "Working alone is against company policy." There ought to be a rule against lousy movies like Underwater. Outside of Miller, there isn't an ounce of personality to be found, yet alone a scary encounter (or moment for that matter.) If you're like me, you won't care who lives or dies. Why even bother?

Grade: D- (I was curious for the first 15 minutes or so, before losing interest altogether.)