Thursday, February 8, 2018

Fifty Shades Freed Movie Review

Dakota Johnson & Jamie Dornan (r) star in Fifty Shades Freed

Boobs in Boob Land

Rotten Tomatoes Plot: Believing they have left behind shadowy figures from their past, newlyweds Christian (Jamie Dornan) and Ana (Dakota Johnson) fully embrace an inextricable connection and shared life of luxury. But just as she steps into her role as Mrs. Grey and he relaxes into an unfamiliar stability, new threats could jeopardize their happy ending before it even begins. Directed by James Foley.

"Red!" It took a Herculean effort to keep Ana's safe word to myself, during a recent screening of Fifty Shades Freed. I like kinky sex as much as the next guy; but nobody should have to endure a 105-minute marathon of music videos, featuring the two most vapid people on Earth... no matter how good they look naked. The story's stale as day-old-bread, following its implausible fairy tale plot to its predictable conclusion (marriage, babies and boredom.) The first two films were fun to watch; but there's absolutely nothing new (or sexy) in this dud of a finale. Good riddance.

Grade: D-