Thursday, December 21, 2017

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle Movie Review

Jack Black stars in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Game Over

Rotten Tomatoes Plot: When four high-school kids discover an old video game console with a game they've never heard of (Jumanji) they are immediately drawn into the game's jungle setting, literally becoming the avatars they chose: gamer Spencer becomes a brawny adventurer (Dwayne Johnson); football jock Fridge loses (in his words) "the top two feet of his body" and becomes an Einstein (Kevin Hart); popular girl Bethany becomes a middle-aged male professor (Jack Black); and wallflower Martha becomes a badass warrior (Karen Gillan.) What they discover is that you don't just play Jumanji - you must survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they'll have to go on the most dangerous adventure of their lives, discover what Alan Parrish left 20 years ago, and change the way they think about themselves - or they'll be stuck in the game forever...

Johnson's Spencer argues, "We can't waste lives," but evidently, wasting this critic's time is fair game. It begins with eight trailers, before settling into a poor man's Breakfast Club/lame video game movie (never a good idea.) The stars are charming (especially Jack Black) but Chris McKenna's story is painfully predictable and unoriginal. Bad guys slathered in gobs of dark makeup? Another lone actress reduced to strutting around in a sexy outfit? If I didn't know better, I'd say this pubescent borefest was concocted by a 13-year-old boy (close... Jake Kasdan) or Harvey Weinstein. Parents with daughters beware: Sexism ahead.

Grade: F