Saturday, July 8, 2017

Boardwalk Fries Burgers Shakes Food Review

Boardwalk Hamburger

Crockett & Tubbs. Magic & Bird. Ocean City & Boardwalk Fries. In no particular order, the three most famous pairs of the 1980s (at least in the mind of yours truly.) So imagine my delight when I heard about Boardwalk Fries Burgers Shakes at Westfield Montgomery Mall. Boardwalk opened last November, hoping to end a string of burger failures (Kraze Burgers and Burger Venue occupied the space beforehand) at Westfield's bustling food court. Is the third time a charm, or should you walk downstairs to Bobby's Burger Palace?

Can you run? Sorry to say, but Boardwalk doesn't hold a candle to Bobby Flay's (literal) Palace of burger deliciousness. Even the fries aren't as good as I remember. A Hamburger Combo costs $9.69 ($2.69 extra for a second patty... but why bother?) I'd invite you to check out the full menu on Boardwalk's website, but it only lists the locations (no menus, despite advertising them.) It does however, mention 100 licensed locations, including one in Baghdad (yes, the one in Iraq.) Can you say franchise fever? I can.

I can also recommend not trying it for yourself. Why so blue? Perhaps it has something to do with the lousy customer service (Grade: D-) which begins with a cashier who doesn't look at you. I wasn't sure at first (his face was literally covered by the downward bill of his ball cap) but when I tried to give him eye contact, I noticed he was looking to his right the entire time. He also didn't speak (except for "here, or to go?") which made ordering a downright displeasure. To his credit, he did hear my request for no mayo on my burger. Perhaps I give off a bad vibe? You know, paying for food, saying please and thank you, etc. Shame on me.

Boardwalk Fries (and a Drink)

My order arrived quickly (about five minutes) and the expediter was nice enough to say, "Enjoy." I took my tray into the mayhem that is Westfield's Food Court. Did I mention it was a Saturday afternoon? Inside a busy shopping mall? Cue noisemakers and screaming children. Grade: F for ambiance, although it's hard to blame Boardwalk for that. I can grade them on their food however. The fries were hot, lightly seasoned and literally overflowing. Don't ask how/why, but I didn't splash them with Old Bay Seasoning... probably because I didn't see a container. If you ask me, they should come pre-seasoned, but what do I know? They were also very, very oily (my fingers were covered in oil, after only a few fries.) That said, they were still better than average... Grade: B-.

The burger, on the other hand? Terrible. The bun was cold and soft (never saw the grill) but the toppings were fresh and generously applied. The meat? Way overdone, and dry. To make matters worse, it was also completely void of any seasoning whatsoever (not an ounce of salt or pepper.) Lucky for me, it was relatively small in size (¼ pound?) so I didn't have to throw away too much. Grade: D- (Thank Heaven for the lettuce, onions, pickles and tomato, otherwise another F.) Overall? Grade: D-.

Would I go back again? I'd say no way; but at the rate this space turns over, it wouldn't surprise me if there's yet another burger joint here at the end of this year. Or next month. Take your pick. Either way, I suggest walking past this Boardwalk.