Thursday, May 25, 2017

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales Movie Review

Javier Bardem stars in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Time to Race Bury the Dead

Rotten Tomatoes PlotJohnny Depp returns to the big screen as the iconic, swashbuckling anti-hero Jack Sparrow in the all-new "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales." The rip-roaring adventure finds down-on-his-luck Captain Jack feeling the winds of ill-fortune blowing strongly his way when deadly ghost sailors, led by the terrifying Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem), escape from the Devil's Triangle bent on killing every pirate at sea-notably Jack. Jack's only hope of survival lies in the legendary Trident of Poseidon, but to find it he must forge an uneasy alliance with Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), a brilliant and beautiful astronomer, and Henry (Brenton Thwaites), a headstrong young sailor in the Royal Navy. At the helm of the Dying Gull, his pitifully small and shabby ship, Captain Jack seeks not only to reverse his recent spate of ill fortune, but to save his very life from the most formidable and malicious foe he has ever faced. Directed by Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg.

The world record for holding one's breath is just over 23 minutes. Dead Men Tell No Tales is 129 minutes long (on top of 597 in the previous four chapters.) I'm no math whiz; but that sounds way too long, don't you think? Two novice filmmakers replace Rob Marshall (who injected some much-needed life into the franchise with On Stranger Tides) but they clearly have nothing new to offer. Someone asks, "Is this treasure worth dying for?" Judging by the performances (stick a fork in Depp, he's done) this franchise isn't even worth watching anymore. Loud, repetitive, and surprisingly dull.

Grade: D