Friday, November 22, 2013

Delivery Man Movie Review

Vince Vaughn stars in Delivery Man

534th Time’s a Charm
by Natalie Lylo (Contributing Editor)

It’s Vince Vaughn’s world and we’re just living in it. Ken Scott’s Delivery Man rips Vaughn from his "Wedding Crashing" days and throws him into the joys of parenthood—kind of. He plays David Wozniak... father of 533, with one on the way. On top of this already ridiculous plot, lies altercations with the mafia, multiple trips to the hospital, publicized lawsuits, struggles in the family butcher business, etc. Just as David clearly cannot win, this film cannot “deliver.”

We are forced to think back 20 years, and to picture a penniless David with a very odd get-rich-quick scheme. He frequented a fertility clinic over 600 times under the pseudonym “Starbuck,” and his superior sperm fathered 533 children. Turns out there really is a Starbucks on every corner…

In the present day, these now young adults decide to rise up, band together in numbers greater than the Spartan army, and seek out their mutual father. Wozniak soon finds a lawyer in his home (he apparently doesn’t believe in locks) who informs him of this news, to which his only response is a repeated, lackluster “Yo no soy David Wozniak!”

Up until this point, Wozniak’s immaturity is grossly exaggerated. He's broke and unreliable. He grows pot in his home, and can’t even pick up basketball jerseys on time. Of course, the height of his unpreparedness is the moment he must be prepared. He employs single father and license-less lawyer Brett (played by Parks and Recreation’s Chris Pratt, who provides a few genuinely hilarious lines.)

Wozniak receives a manila envelope full of profiles of his children. There's a Knicks player, a lifeguard, a guitarist, and even a historical tour guide. He essentially stalks every movement of this eclectic bunch, seemingly in an attempt to rectify the many missed years of fatherhood. Since he had no intention of revealing his identity, this appears odd and forced. It also begs the question—where are their mothers? They all seem to merely wander about, utterly lost. Thank God, their self-proclaimed “guardian angel” is stalking them.

The inclusion of a drug-addict daughter and a disabled son is most likely meant to frame Wozniak in a sentimental fashion; but it comes across as lacking taste. They are used as strings to pluck at the heart, but are more likely to cause uncontrollable cringing.

Meanwhile, David's girlfriend Emma (Cobie Smulders) is pregnant. On top of this, he gets beaten up by mobsters in his own house... the same house, where one of his children tracks him down, and waits for him: Seriously, where are the locks?  Then there's a bizarre camping trip with the whole “family." There are almost more subplots than there are children.

Vaughn may be physically, far removed from his Frat Pack days; but even with over 500 children, it's impossible to view him as a mature adult. If this film were truly a comedy, his Peter Pan "shtick" would work. Instead, it gets lost amongst too many dramatic moments, ushered in by melodramatic music. It also doesn’t help that most of these "comedic moments" aren’t even that funny. Delivery Man has a few moments here and there; but ultimately asks too much of its audience.