Friday, August 16, 2013

Kick-Ass 2 Movie Review

Two actors with three names... zzz

Kick-Ass 2: I'm Grounded. Boo-Hoo 

A lot can happen in three years: That's how long it's been since the original Kick-Ass scored an A- from this reviewer. Since then, it's spawned a sequel, swapped directors and ditched everything that was good about the original. In other words, a cash grab. Jeff Wadlow's Kick-Ass 2 is a disaster of epic proportions... the quintessential bad sequel, complete with more violence and vulgarity than even Ace Ventura could stand to be around.

Rotten Tomatoes Plot: His heroic antics having inspired a citywide wave of masked vigilantes, Kick-Ass (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) joins their ranks to help clean up the streets, only to face a formidable challenge when the vengeful Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) transforms himself into the world's first super villain in this sequel written and directed by Jeff Wadlow (Never Back Down). Dave/Kick-Ass and Mindy/Hit Girl (ChloĆ« Grace Moretz) are about to graduate high school and become a crime-fighting duo when their noble plans are foiled by Mindy's strict parents. Now, as Mindy hangs up her Hit Girl uniform and navigates the treacherous high-school social scene, Kick-Ass begins patrolling the streets with Justice Forever, a fearless group of urban watchdogs fronted by former mob thug Colonel Stars and Stripes (Jim Carrey). They've got the criminal element on the run when Chris D'Amico lays his Red Mist persona to rest, and reemerges as The Mother F**ker, a powerful criminal mastermind with a loyal legion of henchmen. The Mother F**ker is determined to avenge the death of his late father, who previously perished at the hands of Kick-Ass and Hit Girl. Now, as The Mother F**ker and his minions begin targeting the members of Justice Forever, Hit Girl realizes that the only way to save Kick-Ass and his new friends is to emerge from her forced retirement, and fight back with everything she's got.

What’s Best: Put a gun to my head, and I'd admit to laughing at the Colonel's 'As long as your heart's in the right place, it doesn't matter what you put in your mouth.' Unfortunately, that's the best I could come up with, considering how awful Wadlow's screenplay is. Who's Wadlow? He's the "genius" behind Never Back Down. What's Never Back Down? My point exactly.

What’s Not: Grab a seat: This is going to take a while. Kick-Ass 2 is crass, dumb, poorly written and utterly unoriginal. Other than that...

The sequel's lineup changes are utter fails: Wadlow for Matthew Vaughn? Don't get me started. Morris Chestnut for Omari Hardwick? I'm guessing Hardwick was too proud to utter, 'What you did to those girls was unacceptable.' He's referring to attacking three teenage girls with "sick sticks" in the cafeteria, forcing the trio to vomit and sh*t uncontrollably. It's OK though: Chestnut's character is her new dad (and a police officer.)

Then there's the wanton slaughtering of several NYPD cops by some over-muscled chick in tights, named Mother Russia. I guess that's OK too, right? What's the harm of seeing NYPD officers casually shot dead in the middle of the street? It's just a movie. Lucky for us, Wadlow writes in 'This isn't a comic book' at least twice: "Thanks" for the mixed messages.

Speaking of mixed, what's the message behind Red Mist's attempted rape of Night Bitch (Lindy Booth, age 34) while uttering, 'It's time to see what evil dick looks like.' The kicker? After he unzips his pants, he can't get it up. I can see the bumper stickers now, "Impotence. It stops rape." I suppose I shouldn't be upset: It's not like Kick-Ass 2 is appealing to a younger audience...

Worst Line: Almost every line is bad; but I'll go with Red Mist's 'I'm gonna wipe my ass with your face,' over 'I can't do this. It's my dad's funeral' feebly uttered by the whiny-voiced Kick-Ass at... his dad's funeral, right before gunfire erupts. I'd have fallen asleep, but the movie was too loud.

Overall: This movie sucks... 'for reals.' Everything that made Kick-Ass original (perhaps even cute) is tossed out the window in favor of lazy lines and poor performances. Hit Girl mutters, 'I'd rather be water boarded, than listen to Justin Bieber.' I wonder what I would chose in place of watching this shambles of a sequel. Hint: It has nothing to do with accidentally killing your own Mom in a tanning bed. Oops... Spoiler alert.